Can I post a personal blog for a second? thanks :)

I usually don't know how to start these. Sometime's it's just my brain thinking of random words and syllables and trying to put them together and they end up sounding good together, but for now I'm just writing to get these terrible ripping thoughts out of my brain before I go insane. I wonder if you miss me, or if you ever truly cared for me. It seems like it didn't phase you, me walking out of your life without a second thought. While I can sit here and ponder it all through and let my life slowly fade all because of you. My life has slipped from my very hands, I can sit here and try to grasp on to it with all my might, but I just can't save it. He tells me it will all be alright, and he will be here for me but he doesn't understand how badly this is effecting me. How badly this is effecting me and his relationship. But it's not only you, oh god if it was only you maybe I could take my life and spin it back into control. But I fucking cant. Because she's gone too. Their all gone. The second I take off that mask of happiness, and show the face behind it. The tears and the scares and not being as high and mighty as I make myself out to be, they all leave and desert me like I was nothing. Nothing but a slow car, passing them by in the highway of life. I can't take it. I want to show you all how I feel. I want to tell you all how I feel. With the sound of a gat. But, I'd miss the one thing that makes me feel sane in this whole world. When we do get to see each other, how easy it is to be near him and just hold his hand. How he makes me smile when he gets me mad, or how he tells me to forget about the stupid girl who just fucked me over. I wish life was easy, but it isn't. Life wasn't made to be easy.  I'll just smile and hope for a better day.  In 30 years, this won't mean shit to me. The way you made me feel won't matter anymore.   You won't mean shit to me.