invisible

dear my dearest ex-boyfriend,

the hardest thing to say are the words that mean the most. i kept and is still keeping the words that you ever said to me. i remembered & i will always do remember the first day you want to meet me so badly. i still do remember the song, the melody you sang that you get me undone. i still remember the way you held my hand and smile. and of course i still do remember the look on your face and your eyes pointing into mine and hugged me when your dad is passing by through the parking lot. how you said i love you to me was magnificent. but apart from that i wanted you to know for so long, i wait and wait for you. as long as forever. and the sad part is that you have someone else. you burnt my heart! where did the phrase go? "just wait, i might get back to you" i thought you're the guy that would easy to forget but i was wrong. i was wrong. you are the most hardest and unforgettable person i know out of all my entire guy I've ever know. i thought to my self there's no more trying to night. there'e no more. we'll never be the same.

i never believe a guy like you would be with a girl like this. 

yknow it has been a very beautiful fight. and it still is. i love you. and i hope someday you'll break her heart like the way you did to me. i hope she cried for years. i wish someday you'll dump her as you dumped me. i hope for god's sake, she will die. thank you for reading.

its all gone now.

reader,

people change. feelings too. i can see now that he's gone. my life is all gone. everything of me.. gone~ its september. i thought that we'd make it as long as we could. but in fact.. love is a lie. boys are liar. he said that he won't EVER leave me no matter what happens but.. he's leaving. 4th september 2011. i have no fucking idea why he leave. how and why he has no feeling at all towards me. why he treated me like shit. why on earth he did this to me. i just dont get how boys react nowadays. i just dont get every single thing he said and did. how he said "i might get back to you. but please dont wait for me k?" well my thought was, at one point he was asking me to wait. and he said he MIGHT get back to me. maybe yes. maybe not. theres no point for me to wait. and yeaaah. a few hours ago he was saying "im really sorry to say this. move on tah k? sorry. :)" and i was in to pieces. 

Can I post a personal blog for a second? thanks :)

I usually don't know how to start these. Sometime's it's just my brain thinking of random words and syllables and trying to put them together and they end up sounding good together, but for now I'm just writing to get these terrible ripping thoughts out of my brain before I go insane. I wonder if you miss me, or if you ever truly cared for me. It seems like it didn't phase you, me walking out of your life without a second thought. While I can sit here and ponder it all through and let my life slowly fade all because of you. My life has slipped from my very hands, I can sit here and try to grasp on to it with all my might, but I just can't save it. He tells me it will all be alright, and he will be here for me but he doesn't understand how badly this is effecting me. How badly this is effecting me and his relationship. But it's not only you, oh god if it was only you maybe I could take my life and spin it back into control. But I fucking cant. Because she's gone too. Their all gone. The second I take off that mask of happiness, and show the face behind it. The tears and the scares and not being as high and mighty as I make myself out to be, they all leave and desert me like I was nothing. Nothing but a slow car, passing them by in the highway of life. I can't take it. I want to show you all how I feel. I want to tell you all how I feel. With the sound of a gat. But, I'd miss the one thing that makes me feel sane in this whole world. When we do get to see each other, how easy it is to be near him and just hold his hand. How he makes me smile when he gets me mad, or how he tells me to forget about the stupid girl who just fucked me over. I wish life was easy, but it isn't. Life wasn't made to be easy.  I'll just smile and hope for a better day.  In 30 years, this won't mean shit to me. The way you made me feel won't matter anymore.   You won't mean shit to me.

...

i feel so lifeless everyday i do

I may get mad at you, but don’t ever think for a second that I don’t love you. Because really, I do, and I don’t think anything in the world can change that.

There's a difference between goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is "I'll see youagain when I'm ready to hold your hand, and when you're ready to hold mine."Letting go is "I'll miss your hand. I realized it's not mine to hold, and I will neverhold it again."

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose, if I'm not that arrow to the heartof you, if you don't get drunk on my kiss, if you think you can do better than this, then I guess we're done.
-Reba McEntire

Who do you think you are to write on his heart in permanent marker?
-Taylor Swift

She has faith in me. She makes me want to be different, better.
( A Walk To Remember )

I should hate him for the way he's treating me. Except that I don't. I wish I did. I wish I could. Maybe that's what real love is. Not hating someone when you have every reason to.

High school's better than junior high. They'll call you names, but not as much to your face.
( Welcome To The Dollhouse )

I love you , in a really, really big
pretend to like your taste in music ,
let you eat the last piece of cheesecake,
hold a radio over my head outside your window,
unfortunate way that makes me hate you , love you ,
so pick me, choose me, love me..

The thing is, I don't want to start all over again. I've worked so hard on this relationship just to start at square one with another? No, I can't and I won't. No matter how much this kills me.

Look, lots of people lose themselves in love.
It's no shame. They write songs about it.
The hitch is, you can't stay lost.
Sooner or later, you have to get back to yourself.

Through humour, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation may be, you can survive it. -Bill Cosby

Someday, you're going to meet someone who drives you mad. Who you're going to fight with and laugh with and do totally insane things for; someone who turnsyour life upside down.

He's the kinda boy that makes you love your name just by the way he says it.

If it were up to me, I would construct a key to your heart. And find love and set you free.
-Humans; The Scene Aesthetic

Don't settle for the guy who's going to wait on you. Wait for the one who pushesyour buttons and makes you mad on a daily basis. Love isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be worth it.

You know you're in love when you always want to tell someone about it, even when they do not ask.

maybe you’re just scared
because for once, someone
actually wants to be with you.

You're an ass. You can never make up your mind. You
always mock me. I never seem to like you. But all at
the same time, I am completely & madly in love with you.

I hate how we never hang out anymore,
and how we were great friends.
I hate how you'll never flirt with me,
but then you'll flirt with my best friends.
I hate how whenever I see you,
you don't see me.
I hate when I have something to say online,
your only response is, "cool"
& boy, do I hate it when you make me smile.

Bitch don't bother trying to impress me
;
telling me what color his boxers are.
sweetie, I know, I bought them
.
telling me how good he is in bed.
bitch, I know.
I taught him.

My theory is that maybe, if I keep my distance, you`ll start to miss me.

I've been through hell & back. I spill stuff, trip & embarrass myself. I can't justflutter my eyes & get whatever the heck I want. My life is messed up, I've been through way more than you see on t.v., babe. Nobody's perfect. I've been liedto, cheated on, & had my
heart broken. I've screwed up, and i know i'll do it again.
But every hit was worth it because I felt it. I knew it was real. Life is real. & I'mliving it wrong everyday. I'm screwing up royally, & I do everything in reverse. But, will I regret one single thing? Never. Because at one point, what I did was what I wanted & I got my satisfaction from it. My life is mine & no bitches orimmature people can screw it up for me anymore. I'm the real deal & I'd love to see you try & break me.

He stumbles over his words. Closes his eyes tightly. Breathes in. Breathes out. Almost loses his courage. "I love you," he says. "I love you so much it hurts."

The only reason we hold back is because we think we have an endlessamount of chances or that there will always be one more. But as timedisappears into the past and life goes on, those chances will run out and you'll either live with eternal happiness for being brave, or eternal regret for holding back.

Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma's only a bitch if you are.

Don't be so blue, I know what you're going through. Hitting walls and getting scars only makes you who you are. No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking.
-Broken; Lindsay Haun

Falling in love doesn't happen just once.
Every time you hear their voice after not hearing it for a week;
every time you see that smile brightens the room;
every time they make you laugh when you don't even want to smile;
every kiss hello and see-you-later hug.
That's when you fall in love; Not once, but everyday.

I LOVE YOU<3